How To Heal From Emotional Abuse Without A Disclosure

Many women in the BTR Groups grieve over the life they thought they had, after they find out they’ve been betrayed and abused. The lying, gaslighting and manipulation that accompany betrayal can be the most difficult to heal from. For some women, their husbands seek recovery and disclose the truth. For these women, finding out the truth can help the healing come more quickly. For other women, their husbands continue to abuse and live in denial that they have a problem. These women may never know the truth, so how can they move forward in their healing? Anne Blythe, founder of Betrayal Trauma Recovery, continues her discussion about disclosures with Jeanne Vattuone, a Licensed Clinical Social Worker and sex addiction specialist. Previously, Jeanne provided 3 Important Things You Need To Know About Disclosures. This time, she and Anne discuss how to find closure when there’s no disclosure. Jeanne has worked with betrayed partners and addicts for ten years and is co-owner of Willow Tree Counseling in Santa Rosa, California. She is an advocate for the trauma modality for treating betrayed partners. Disclosure Can Help You Heal From Emotional Abuse Previously, Jeanne and Anne talked about why disclosure is important. Jeanne further explains what a disclosure is. “I really see the disclosure as the truth-telling, the handing over of facts. It’s the data exchange. It’s not an apology. It’s not a time for empathy. I just want the partner to get the information, and then have time to absorb it and make sense of it. Then we’ll deal with the relational issues later.” -Jeanne Vattuone, LCSW Jeanne believes that a disclosure could come in two parts with the safety issues first, followed by the complete picture later. “Sometimes we need to break disclosure into two pieces. Get the safety items taken care of immediately and then, if they’re able to wait a little bit for the bigger, fuller, completer piece, you can break a disclosure into two pieces.” -Jeanne Vattuone, LCSW Anne and Jeanne mention some of the things that could be brought up in a disclosure. Some Questions To Include In Disclosure * Do you have another phone that I don’t know about? How many devices do you have?* Do you have other email accounts? * Is there another bank account? All of these raise safety concerns, but questions about the family’s financial situation aren’t always brought up, as Anne points out. Some women in the BTR community wonder about this, so Anne asks Jeanne why it isn’t when it could raise the issue of financial abuse. Jeanne says she often forgets those questions because it isn’t her main priority. Sometimes the wife has to bring it up, at which point, she will include questions about finances.   “I don’t know if it’s forgotten on purpose or if it’s just because it’s not on the top of our to-do list when we’re assessing for sex addiction and betrayals and lie...